A Letter to Nins. My first foster daughter

Dear Nins,

The Pastor I call Husband told me over dinner last night in his gentle way, that you are now in foster care. In the system which I know you are so used to these days. His words, this information, grabbed my heart and I can’t tell you the depth of sadness I feel as I reflect upon this news.

You came to us through a respite program at just 18 months of age. I’ll never forget meeting you for the first time in a little coffee shop by the seaside. We talked to your mama who I know loves you deeply, we asked each other questions and that drew the formalities to a close. You were to spend every other weekend with us. Oh we bent the rules just a little, ok a lot, as your mama was finding it tough but still giving her best.

So you came to us and lived in our home for chunks of time and I loved being with you – I can still smell your hair and feel you cuddled up on my knee. You found your way into our hearts and the hearts of those in our family -love took over.

nin

Gifts with your name on it, sitting under the family Christmas tree given by Clayton Uncles and Aunties. My mama, she bought you your first bike. You sat in photos in my mother in-laws living room with all her other grandchildren my girl, my sweet Nin. – you introduced me to motherhood and taught me what is to love a little child. Thank you.

The time passed and you grew, your mama started to find her feet. A man who seemed to give her stability and you love, entered your world. We tracked with you guys for a few years to be sure that you were going to be ok. The afternoon ‘pick ups’ from Kindergarten started to become more infrequent, the sleepovers weaned for both of us and I knew that the season was coming to a close. It was positive as things in your home were better and that brought Uncle Andrew and I joy.

The agency that brought us together, and I, discussed your new-found position in life and it was time to withdraw, to close the chapter. Red tape and politics would have it, that we were to be in contact no longer – I needed to honor the rules, Nin. There were times, many times that I wanted to knock on your door but a woman must have integrity even when others are not looking.

So here we are, many years later, you now a teenage girl with a story, removed from your mammas care and in a home that is not your own and me wishing it was mine.

So a woman who is in need of a miracle which seems impossible, starts by praying to her Father who makes all things possible.

Do you remember sweet heart, in those quiet moments when you’re laying in your unfamiliar bed that you are not alone? During turmoil and the confusion, you can cling to Gods peace that is promised for every situation-your situation.

To Him you’re not just a name on a pile of paper being pushed through the court system, or a file with an identification number stamped on it, or the girl who has been assigned a case worker to introduce you to your new family.

No darling, you are apart of a love story where a Man saw pain which separated you and I from Him and left the heavens to rectify it. You have been sculpted from nothing into something-fashioned with purpose by the Creator himself. You’re breathtaking – marvelously made both body and soul.

Don’t go looking for that affirmation from this world. -It will offer you many things, promising to satisfy a thirst, but I promise my girl, it will only leave you dehydrated and turning to different places to drink from.

Go sweetheart, to the fountain of life, to our God who is never-changing in this ever-changing world. Cling to Him and drink.

“Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.” John 4:13-14

Go on Nin, take a sip…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s