It’s played often, regardless of age and circumstance. Wives engaging in the comparison game. Looking over the fence at what other ladies have, whilst forgetting their man who they made promises to.
Years pass and complacency sneaks in eroding their marriage ever so slowly and subtly. Throw children into the mix who demand time-loads of time, financial pressures, lack of sex, poor sleep, spouses working long hours, limited communication where you dig deep, into areas that are private and sacred so you can stand with a naked soul revealing flaws, fears and dreams, a lack of quality time resulting in disengagement and you feel your husband has stopped caring, stopped complimenting, stopped seeing the woman who stands before him with a desperate need to be cherished and a need to be deeply loved- The perfect recipe with all the right ingredients, for a wandering mind flirting with danger and an unhealthy relationship which reqiures you to fight.
“When the people we love or with whom we have deep connection stop caring, stop paying attention, stop investing and stop fighting for the relationship, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in. Disengagement triggers shame and our greatest fears-fears of being abandoned, unworthy, and unlovable. What can make this covert betrayal more dangerous, is that we can’t point to the source of pain-there’s no event, no obvious evidence of brokenness. It can feel crazy making.” (Brene Brown Daring Greatly page 52)
Time has passed and you find your once ‘happy’ relationship has shifted, caught in the cycle of ‘marriage’ and busyness.
A quiet distance now separating two people who should be one, joined in unison with boundaries that protect and nurture their relationship.
So what do you do?
Well, you fight like a real girl with audacity and perseverance. Grab a hold of the promises made by God who wants you to have a deeply satisfying relationship and not give in, back down or give up.
Your marriage is worth the fight, the risk of giving it everything, and then when you’re exhausted, you give it some more.
You bend your knees seeking God’s help and rise with His supernatural strength using a new determination that will partner with you, until the very end.
The man you once married may have changed over the years but one thing hasn’t-he too wants to be loved and connected. We are made for relationship and to be in relationship.
You might need to be that wife who abandons your wants, in order to find your husbands desires.
To deepen your insight into his world which is the place where questions are asked without judgement and answers listened to without becoming defensive or argumentative.
Communication revives marriages mending the places which have been silenced for years.
Engage your man, show him the woman he chose to marry, create a spark to ignite an old flame and never ever give up. The grass isn’t greener as on the other side- It might be momentarily, but reality will set in, and the issues you face today will be waiting to face you tomorrow.
Love is selfless and hard work which is why I love the following verse;
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. (Song of Solomon 8:6 NIV)
Do you need to stop comparing and start appreciating the man you chose to spend your life with?