“It was wonderful, we had sex three times a day, got dressed up at night and went to fancy restaurants, drank champagne…”
I stood looking at my glowing girlfriend who was smiling, the Fall weather had made the morning air crisp. I adjusted my headband which was strategically placed to cover the horrible colour I had put in my hair, grey has decided to greet me in my early thirties, the hair dye in a box cheaper and quicker with three children, I zipped up my jacket which was clean but now covered with food marks from my one year old, I kissed my friend on the cheek and jumped into my seven seat mini van which doesn’t have old French fries as it finally got a clean over the weekend.
I pulled into a drive thru and ordered a coffee, as I drove to the window to pay, I thought…she put her make up on for that fancy restaurant in peace, no half-hearted job as there wasn’t a pooey diaper needing to be changed or children asking for attention or real estates calling to walk through her home which hasn’t sold yet…I sipped my latte and was deep in thought as I drove up EC Row Expressway.
I was feeling very “mummsie” on my way home, here it is, I’m smack bang in the centre of life where I as a wife need to make conscious decisions to keep spice in my marriage. It is easy to get caught in the cycle of routine and ‘get through the day’ where I supervise homework, cook dinner, juggle writing commitment’s, complete piles of laundry, scrub the ring of dirt around my bath tub, change diapers, fulfill ministry demands, tidy toys, read books, say prayers with the children, return emails, enter into snippets of conversation with the Pastor I call Husband and collapse on the couch with weariness at the end of the day.
Our marriages will not flourish if we starve them from the rich ingredients they need in order to grow and mature. Feeding our relationship with leftovers will stunt our marriage and keep them mediocre. They will not thrive but be kept at a stand still where routine becomes the norm.
Intimacy must be fought for so we don’t create a distance which works as a wedge separating two people who should be joined as one in unity.
Which part of your marriage is lacking?
What active steps can you take in order to rectify the problem?
Our seasons change with our age brackets but the fundamentals stay the same.
There are many facets that make a marriage thrive so I will focus on one.
Husbands love when their wife respects them, this may sound ‘old school’ but you ask your husband how he feels when you respect him and see what response you get. Dr Emerson Eggerichs wrote;
“We believe love best motivates a woman and respect most powerfully motivates a man. Research reveals that during marital conflict a husband most often reacts when feeling disrespected and a wife reacts when feeling unloved.”
He goes on to say, “Good things happen when a wife obeys God’s call on her life as revealed in Ephesians 5:33.
“Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (NIV).
Though a husband may not deserve respect and a wife may not feel any respect, contemptuous speech never touches the human spirit in a positive and lasting manner.
The Bible reveals that a wife’s respect for her husband is as powerful as her husband’s love is to her.”
Practical steps for respect may be holding your tongue in public and not belittling your man in front of others, this cuts him to the core. Over time you will see him retract into a shell or become compliant to keep the peace, this doesn’t mean he’s necessarily happy,
Use words that encourage and build him up,
Show him that you are his biggest cheerleader, it will give him courage and support to take on hurdles and conquer the unimaginable,
Thank him for working hard and providing even if you’re in the workforce to,
Be his safe place, never condemning for his mistakes as he won’t feel secure telling you when he has made an error.
A gentle spirited wife who loves, respects and prays for her husband will be central in providing a healthy marriage which will stand the test of time.
Our marriages are a gift, ride the storms, cling to your promises and be the greatest wife you can be…you only have one husband to love so give him your best.