It’s that moment in time where I choose to either trust God or not…I don’t.
I have this deep ache which is more like a wound really needing constant repair. I lack faith in God’s provision.
I was in a shop looking at home décor today and felt the Holy Spirit whisper “Not to buy anything.”
Three shops later and an hour worth of tug o war, I purchase a mirror for $40 and leave. Now that may seem like a small amount of money spent but it was my heart that made the cost.
The cost to ignore and make a conscious decision to sin.
I had only sat under green maple trees, eating chocolate cake and sipping hot tea with my home church the previous Sunday confessing and announcing that I was going to trust the Lord in this area and God had given me a test.
We had a leaking roof and a quote of $6000 to replace it…When the Pastor I call Husband announced this, I went silent, sucked back tears and stopped my chin quivering further.
Yet right in that moment the Lord showed up unexpectantly in His loving way to show this Servant Girl that He sees her and she is not forgotten. He was in control and I needed to let go and let Him… He used a man who my husband meets for coffee to write an email to me. He said “You are a reflection of Proverbs 31:25.”
“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear at the future.”
I found courage and silently prayed believing God is in the roofing business and He is. He proved that when the cost dropped significantly for our roof and this Saturday will see the job completed.
Where in your life does God need to show that He is in your roofing business?
That He sees you, leans in and hears the cries of His daughter.
The ache that seems to constantly pulse has created a lack of faith in the God who deserves all your faith.
We grip and hang on tight until our knuckles turn white as what we know seems to be more comfortable than what we don’t.
Yes, it hurts, yes it painful but familiar overrides the need to change and you find yourself paralyzed an unable to move forward.
We live in unhealthy choices leading our heart to disobedience.
When we’ve made the same decision time and time again the heart and conviction begins to numb and a hard barrier builds hindering that which should be teachable, gentle and mouldable.
May I be bold and suggest that fear is normally stemmed out of hurt, disappointment and opinion. Be bold and dissect your behaviour and expose the core.
What is now left?
The Lord of the Universe who is slow to anger and rich in love is left yearning to engage fully and wants to interrupt your fear to create a deep sense of trust should you let Him.
I stumbled across a site called Draughting Theology where it was written;
“Fear equals a lack of trust and a lack of trust equals a lack of faith. While doubt is a matter of the head, fear is a matter of the heart. Fear holds us back from the full relationship that God calls us into. Fear, as I’ve said before, causes us to act in all sorts of unhealthy ways.”
God has your back.
Four simple words which some of us need to hear and digest. Allow His love to penetrate your wounds until they are completely healed.
Believe He loves You.
Romans 8:39 “Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”