I could barely find my voice as Karen strummed her guitar and invited the church into a form of worship last Sunday. I had fallen short the night before shaming myself and Christ who I openly speak about and live for.
So there I found myself standing, in dimmed lights, listening to the music that played over the congregation and I doubted. I doubted that I could use the chorus as a tool to run into arms of our grace and forgiveness.
My sin trapped me from going to the very place that rescues.
I stood paralyzed in sadness, this witness let her Lord down. I started to pray internally. The place where all good work begins…
The moment made me ask a question as I reflected.
Do others keep their distance from God because they believe the false lie that they aren’t good enough? Their mishaps regardless of size is unforgivable?
Do others like me, mock Jesus in saying that hanging on that rugged cross wasn’t enough?
Sermons heard and prayers spoken are for the person next to them?
Servant girls cage themselves in false truth and begin to shut their hearts to the very thing they need to open to. The place of fresh beginnings.
I remained standing as others sung loud to God who brings freedom…
I thought surely my wrong doing cannot be pardoned?
Church ends and the week begins to unfold. Countless times I’ve sat with my computer ready, attempting to write a new piece for Ashes to Beauty. The writings sit with other draft copies as I felt hypocritical-false.
I start to dig. The truth is I have been keeping myself busy and neglecting my quiet time with God. The moments where the bible speaks life into my parched soul and keeps me gentle. The prayers where my heart begs to be in step with the Spirit-open and listening. I’ve neglected essential time for solitude and I’ve begun to feel fatigued.
Entering into each day in my own strength has created weary bones and an overwhelmed heart.
How can I give when I’m not being fed by the Giver?
Did Martha feel this as she busied herself? Her priorities had good intentions but were out of place. She was overly concerned about the wrong details and neglected herself-robbed time by not falling at the feet of Jesus.
The feet of Jesus rings with safety. A quiet, nourishing place, where a servant girl can pour herself out.
If daughters use “Themselves” as the answer, then we can short circuit what God intended us to do. Jesus. Find rest in His name. Allow Him to guide.
He is pure love. Love unconditional. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you’ve been there is a safe place open to you. An invitation for you to find rest and peace.
He is the fountain of life who will restore your broken heart. He will give you strength to fly high like an eagle. His joy like a never-ending river which can calm any storm in your life. Surrender and trust.
He never changes, predictable and will provide you safety, stability and protection.
His grace is bestowed thousands and thousands of time. Keep running back, not away. He hung on that cross for You. Yes! Your worth that much.
The God of the universe is slow to anger…
Hurt which splits your heart wide open can be healed and fully mended. Do you really believe it?
You are never, ever, alone. The still quiet moments where fear grips, silent tears fall and uncertainty interferes. He sees You.
“The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” Zephaniah 3:17