Crafty Insecurity.

I called mum yesterday afternoon. I had visitors coming and grabbed the ten minutes before a family poured out of a minivan and into my home. Afternoons in my farm house are more like a pressure cooker. Children cry, dinner is in the oven (in yesterday instance failing and being scrapped into the rubbish) school notes read and signed, laundry to be completed, homework supervised and more, yes more dirt being trodden on my washed floors.

You’ve heard me say it before…Parenting is a beautiful mess.

Mum had already left home, we didn’t talk.

I needed her mama’s heart to encourage. To speak to her daughter who was having a day second guessing herself as a woman, a friend and a servant girl. Should I shut my blog down? I asked myself a thousand times. One of my closest friends hasn’t returned an email-what have I done? Thoughts run wild controlling my mind. I give in rather than stand and fight.

Insecurity breeds death.

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The enemy was on fire and doing a great job at stealing self worth, joy and identity. In between scrubbing floors, wiping toilet seats, cleaning windows and trying my best not to sigh at complaining children I tell myself to quiten my soul and sit with the Father. I continue the housework ignoring Heavenly promptings.
I remove stains and smudges around my home forgetting about the ones hidden within.

“Lord I ask “Where in the world do I find the time today to fall at your feet and rest in You alone? You know my children have an “interruption alarm” every time I open my bible, pray or sit to journal with you.”

“Solitude I crave but how do I find it amongst the chaos?”

“How do I slow down and still myself to be filled so I can be an outpouring of your goodness?”

My heart’s desire is to be a true replica of Jesus the yearning strong but my actions unsuccessful.

I ponder for a while…

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I need to enter into Sabbath Moments with Christ on a daily basis. To give myself permission to stop and commune with Him. It sounds simple but it’s a discipline that requires practise.

To be deliberate in decision making as I race against the clock.

Answers and reminders in practical ways start to rear.

In Sabbath Moments I must open my bible and read three to five verses. No more needed. Allow them to digest and reflect in speech and actions. Use them to meditate on as I peel vegetables and change diapers.

The verse of today is “So see to it that you really do love each other intensely with all your hearts.” 1 Peter 1:22

I challenge myself in doing this as I serve my family and others that God brings into my path this day. Practical but required.

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What three-five verses can you chew on and reflect?

The words digest becoming soul food nourishing and replenishing the hunger pangs.

Knees bent and hands open for leading and direction is essential. However praying without ceasing (for me) is accomplished easily when conversation flows with God naturally throughout the day- It’s simply talking and keeping Him at the forefront.

Attitude and heart not laws and rituals. Grace abounding-Remember.

Silence spaces are crucial to hear, dwell and listen.

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What is He saying to You?

Motherhood, womanhood, sisterhood, is life sucking and fatiguing when functioning out of my flesh. When drawing upon God’s supernatural I accomplish the extraordinary reflecting glory, all glory to Him. It’s evident to any spectator that I can’t fulfill life’s demands and expectations. When they are accomplished and completed with deep rooted joy He has to get hands lifted in praise.

My dear Friend Wendy sent this through…may you be spurred on with an understanding of how the enemy attacks.

“The route to weariness is a short one and you will arrive at exhaustion sooner than you dare believe.” (Holy Emotions – Biblical Responses to Every Challenge)

“Satan is wearing down the saints of the Most High God with busyness and the tyranny of the urgent. Satan knows that you will lose every battle you face if he can wear you down. What will you lose? Not your eternal salvation, of course, but you will lose your temper and your patience. You will also lose your perspective and your peace of mind. You might lose your creativity and your daily disciplines.”(Holy Emotions – Biblical Responses to Every Challenge)

May we as Sister’s see the enemy’s craftiness and stand against it in Jesus’ name.

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One thought on “Crafty Insecurity.

  1. Hannah, great gut honest tho’ts. I remember those days – frustration, impatience and struggles for peace, quiet, time. a friend suggested to me that I was expecting too much of myself and perhaps one or two verses, mulled on during the day, read repeatedly from my Bible, laying close by on the counter and glanced at many times during the day would provide me with more than enough life changing truth to dwell on & meditate on during my day. it was so freeing on those days when I couldn’t squeeze in 5 minutes, let alone 20 minutes of time of continuous solitude and input from the Lord into my life and day. AND those Sabbath moments were life changing as I meditated on those 1 or 2 verses repeatedly over the day. how often God would use a word or phrase as a way of ministering to myself, to Chuck, to my kids, to people who called and were exposed to my changed attitudes, new insights and new things to worship God for. And surprisingly, there is some on-going/same challenges in this season of my life as well!! Go for it, my friend. during this season of life, don’t miss those Sabbath spaces/moments as your source of strength and hope. love ya, Jan

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