A White Butterfly

She smiled as she inquired about my thoughts on a talk I’m doing on Hope this coming Summer to a group of wonderful ladies I call sisters. I smiled and asked for time and grace as I seek the Lord for His words, His wisdom.

Hope...to see joy and meaning in a situation that is filled with uncertainty. It isn’t static or passive but rather courageous and fearless…

Her hand grabs my foot as the doppler is placed on my tummy. I see the sac and a small dot that I call my baby. I, his mama filled with dreams and excitement for the life I’m now expecting…

I look to the screen eagerly for the heartbeat yet see nothing. My eyes fill with tears and I know this feeling all too well as I said “Goodbye” to a little life in late October. I start to pray out loud with a quivering chin and I wonder if the sonographer thinks I’m crazy or a mama desperate…

Where’s hope in the dark moments when the sky is grey and the clouds are closing in? I seek and push through the emotion. The answer is in worship. When eyes are closed and palms open to a will that is not my own.

The days turned into nights and I whisper gently to a Father that hears His child…

The following week I have blood drawn from my veins where I search for an outcome…I can’t help but see irony in the situation.

Jesus’ blood spilled out of His body has been my only answer, my source of life, when this servant girl has damaged herself- fallen hard to the dust. His grace alone is the only way I’ve found my footing again, my way on the narrow track.

The answer comes through a phone call the following morning. His voice on the other end of the phone instructs me to go for another ultrasound that is deemed an emergency.

There is time before my appointment so I take a walk. I centre myself in quietness and solitude with the Creator. I’m reminded that He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken-Psalm 62:6

I ask Him humbly for a sign that everything will be OK…a sign of hope in the shape of a white butterfly…

White…the sign of being washed clean…the sign of life

Our Savior doesn’t have deaf ears and hears the pleas. Up over the next hill I’m stopped in my tracks and moved deeply by His answer. A white butterfly flutters to my side and flies away…I walk slowly with my tongue moving in praise. The butterfly returns to my side. This time I feel my eyes water. “Really” I say out loud. “God are you really telling me that this baby is alive? That you are knitting a being in your image within my womb?”

The formation of life a miracle yet easily done by the fingertips of God. He the one filled with splendor and majesty is calling forth a purpose in the shape of a baby that will one day sing praises and dance in freedom under the sovereignty of His Lordship.

I ready myself for the appointment. The sonographer places jelly and the doppler on my belly and I see it…A heart beat strong, rhythmical, pulsing with hope and a life filled with potential. I burst into tears and shout a praise to His Great name!

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3 thoughts on “A White Butterfly

  1. “a baby that will one day sing praises and dance in freedom under the sovereignty of His Lordship.” yes and Amen! Praise the Lord! A true worshipper, who will worship in Spirit and in Truth!

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