A Lavished Love…

 

I left his care just after my seventh birthday. It was a time where emotions raged and angry words shouted between the two adults that made my world safe and stable. I said goodbye to the life that I knew. A young country girl living with my farmer father who had worked the land for thirty years. My three brothers stayed on the property while I left with mum.

The hearts of four children broke that day in August…

We took refuge in a rectory that belonged to a church “in town.” Tears often flowed in the dark of the night as I laid under blankets of an unfamiliar surrounding. My child’s heart was filled with brokenness, isolation and a deep sense of loss…My young mind couldn’t comprehend the word ‘divorce’ or the fact that all I knew had been destroyed. With confusion I battled out the following years.

Those days are rarely spoken about and they were not being raised last Monday night when he drove up in his fancy ute and smiled brightly as I jumped in. He cheekily said “Your taxi awaits you Madam.” I brushed his cheek with a kiss and talked easily to the man I call “Dad.”

I was reminded of his popularity for being in local politics the past sixteen years as we greeted people in the restaurant of where we dined. I gave polite “Hello’s” and engaged in conversations as needed. We opted for a private table and hid behind a barrier. We hadn’t been out to dinner by ourselves for many years that I had forgotten about the deep longing from the ‘girl inside’ wanting to be pursued by her father. His traditional side manifested as it regularly does and played a significant role as we ate. He poured my drink first, ordered my meal, paid for the bill, opened and closed doors and drove me home. The headlights of his car illuminated my path until I reached the front door. I turned to say “goodbye” with a final wave and felt a lump grow in my throat…The mission the Lord has me on in this stage of life means a large body of water separates us and prevents any opportunity of seeing each other.

I quietly reflected on our time and was struck by my feelings and desires as a woman who loves God. With acknowledgement and understanding I realise that the Lord of the universe pursues me…

pursues you…

He carries out every effort to captivate you with an eternal love that does not leave you empty like this world often does. He divinely carved you into an existence and made the most intricate part of your being providing Him deeper insight into your heart. He truly knows how to love you uniquely and bring you into wholeness. He gently shepherds you into purpose and significance. He ordains life which richly flows with joy and meaning. His intuition for you, means He knows you better then you know yourself. He is engaged with your feelings and desires to meet with you in this moment.

The problem is, we hold a damaged mirror to our face and look at the distorted reflection that this world provides. The pressure so intense that we scramble, losing our footing and focus which turns our eyes on self rather then up. The “if only” steals our attention that we become more determined to conquer our giants leaving an emptiness, rather then drawing our significance from the God that stands with arms wide open wanting to fill voids that fill within. The small steps away from innocence creates a larger gap allowing distance to grow fraying our connection. He beckons us to remain in Him so we stay nourished and feel His efforts of pursuit that nudge us daily. The option is there but the choice is ours…will you open your heart and provide the opportunity to be loved into eternity?

 

 

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4 thoughts on “A Lavished Love…

  1. Ah Han, I held back tears when I read that first part, I remember it all so clearly too. Who was right, who was wrong, what it meant. It punctuated my childhood. I even asked my teacher whether your dad was still my uncle…

    Bless you Han, much love xoxo

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