A Three Year Old Love…

We sit in a meeting room of my little boy’s pre school. I refer to him as Sunny not Lawson…An affectionate nickname I gave him when tubes and pumps were his source of nourishment. It was after a long night of machines pumping and tubes bending causing alarms to sound. He looked at me with a bare cheek raw from tape holding the plastic in place…ripping the skin constantly took its toll- the other side was wearing new gauze pressing the tube against flesh to maintain the precise position. Yet he smiled with delight. The name Sunny rolled off the tongue.  The storm clouds have constantly hovered over him, yet for me he is a ray of light that has taught this Mama more then text books or opinions. The boy of blonde hair and blue eyes has been a great teacher…I’ve learnt times of intense hardship are times for great lessons…

The verdict of his assessment was passed around the room with findings typed in bold black letters. I looked and swallowed hard. The mask must be worn during these time. The mask that said all is well even though my spirit was weak. The battle to see joy in milestones and to Praise the Father, for He is good all of the time. I make myself think it again…retraining the mind is difficult so I say it again…”Father, You are good all of the time. Circumstances don’t change this.”

The meeting closes and so does part of me…

I drive to a coffee shop knowing I’d find a wise man with hair of grey and words seasoned with understanding. I apologize for tears welling and words spilling out but it’s days like these when the distance between Mama and I are great. The moment when my heart longs to be held as a daughter so I can hear the words “That everything is going to be alright.” To be nurtured for and not the nurturer…

He talks with insight and gentleness as he and his wife have their own story…I share words like grief and fear, he nods his head with an awareness of how this girl feels. He listens and looks at me with a four word answer “Love is the key.” With a chin trembling I thank him for the timely reminder…

Love is the key…

Love is the key to overcome. It affectionately unravels beauty revealing a gift for the beholder to see. Love binds and heals the ugliness of this world. It brings acceptance and coats hurt with grace. It delights in the future, and laughs at the days to come. Love opens arms which extends to those close, and welcomes strangers providing opportunity to reflect our Saviors heart. Love sees the ostracized  and advocates protection for the weak. It sees a need and fills it. Selfless love is a beam of light that shines into darkness. It has an eternal focus taking eyes of self and placing them on others.

If I know how deeply I am loved by our Heavenly Father, then I have a well to draw from sharing what I have received. For it is written “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4:18-19

That’s the answer, love is a projection of who I am in Christ. It makes me rise to His higher calling taking the daily challenges on. His love keeps me keeping on through every season of life…

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