His Sermon Today…

I choose a dress and let it fall over my body as I ask the Lord for guidance, I pin my hair back and mumble prayers seeking him to be the source of my words for what’s to come… 

Today is Sunday, the day we believers get together to worship on bended knees acknowledging and remembering the cross that leaves us without shame…

 I enter into the church driveway listening to a country and western song, the writer said that he too knows Jesus, I smile and pray again.

 I sit in the pew & listen to the man I call husband. He’s speaking with integrity, authority and truth. His words wrap themselves around the word relationship and I feel him speak right to my heart. I swallow the raw emotion as I’m invited on stage.

 His gentle eyes look and than question my ability to forgive, eyes burn with tears and with a quivering chin I speak of the man who stole my innocence at a young age. The man that left dark marks on a white canvas. The color in my world changed when I was a little girl and I saw through sepia colored lenses. I swallow again

He probes and it hurts, vulnerability always does, The scar is there I say but the wound is closed tightly as the Lord has healed. He made a way, brought a purpose and broke chains.

The conversation digs deeper as we discuss the journey. How did you forgive I hear him ask…Its ironic I think when I glance at him sitting next to me, the way he always has. I was fighting the thought of men, rebelling like a wild bull when he a man extended his arm and showed me how to trust again. The very thing that I despised reached in and touched with love. The road was long and bumpy but he never left…

 Well it’s a choice I hear myself say…Forgiveness isn’t a feeling but a choice. Not to forgive is like drinking a bottle of poison and expecting the other person to die. That’s not for me. Jesus laid down his life to forgive perpetrators and with great perspective I know I need that too. I grow stronger and with conviction acknowledge that hurting people hurt…Isn’t that the cycle of humanity…round and round we go until we fall at the foot of the cross and cry in repentance choosing to turn our back on behaviors that hurt and taint ourselves and others. To make deliberate decisions not to re enter into that which traps.

 The conversations draws to a close and I hear weeping from my church family. I’ve discovered in life that things can be painful, unjust and hurtful even if you love God. What I have discovered is that even though he allows these things to happen he promises never to leave or forsake us. That he walks with us through the valley of the shadow of death and he holds us in the palm of his hands, covering his children in peace and joy amongst turmoil. He washes clean and renews making marked canvases white as snow.

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4 thoughts on “His Sermon Today…

  1. Oh Hannah. You are an amazing and courageous woman. Something is happening. Perspective is changing. Surrendering…not just the hurt and pain, but the anger, the shame, the guilt and all that goes with it. Something is different today than it was yesterday. I do not have the words but I am filled with gratitude.

  2. Hann- you are an inspiration. Your surrender in healing that wound speaks to the strength of your heart. AB is a gifted preacher. I felt as if his message was speaking straight to my heart. His message was exactly what I needed to hear at this time. The presence of God was palpable in the energy of raw human emotion in that room today. Every heart bled for having been carried through a dark night of the soul. Like AB said, we hold eachother up. Thank you my dear friend.

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